The way we experience and manage relationships can have wide-ranging and profound effects on our lives. Supportive and loving relationships can provide security, companionship and a sense of belonging, while difficult or painful relationships can contribute to stress, anxiety, low self-esteem and feelings of isolation.
Relationship difficulties can arise with partners, family members, friends, colleagues or other important people in our lives. Understanding how we relate to others, and the patterns that repeatedly emerge within our relationships, can be an important part of improving our emotional wellbeing.
Why are relationships so important?
Human beings are fundamentally relational. From the beginning of life, we depend upon other people for safety, care and emotional support, and our earliest relationships play an important part in shaping how we understand ourselves and others.
Throughout life, relationships continue to influence our sense of identity, confidence, security and belonging. How we relate to ourselves and to other people can therefore have a significant effect on both our emotional wellbeing and the wellbeing of those around us.
What causes difficulties in relationships?
We learn how to relate to other people through our experiences of relationships. This process begins early in life and continues as subsequent experiences influence our expectations of ourselves and others.
Being able to adapt to different people and circumstances is a healthy part of relationships. Difficulties can arise, however, when ways of relating that once helped or protected us continue to operate in situations where they are no longer helpful. For example, someone who has experienced betrayal may understandably become more cautious or suspicious. While this may initially provide protection from further hurt, over time it could make trust, openness and intimacy more difficult.
Recognising patterns in relationships
Sometimes we find ourselves experiencing similar difficulties across different relationships without understanding why. We may repeatedly feel rejected, become anxious when someone feels distant, struggle to trust others, avoid emotional closeness or find ourselves drawn into familiar patterns of conflict.
These patterns are not necessarily deliberate or conscious. Therapy can provide an opportunity to explore how they developed, understand the feelings and expectations associated with them and consider whether different ways of relating might now be possible.
What kinds of relationship difficulties can people experience?
Relationships are complex and there is no exhaustive list of the difficulties people may experience. Concerns may involve romantic relationships, friendships, family relationships or difficulties with colleagues and other people in our lives.
Some difficulties emerge following a particular event such as an affair, betrayal, separation or bereavement. Others may involve longer-standing concerns around trust, intimacy, commitment, conflict, loneliness or feeling unable to establish the kinds of relationships we would like.
When can therapy help with relationship concerns?
Everyone experiences difficulties in relationships from time to time. Friends and family can often provide valuable support and help us think about what is happening. However, there may be times when a problem feels too difficult, personal or sensitive to discuss with people we know.
Therapy can be particularly useful when the same difficulties continue to recur, when relationships are having a significant effect on emotional wellbeing, or when we want to understand more about our own feelings and responses within relationships.
How can counselling and psychotherapy help?
Counselling and psychotherapy provide a confidential and supportive environment in which relationship difficulties can be explored openly. Therapy can help you think about your experiences, recognise recurring patterns and develop a greater understanding of the thoughts and feelings that influence how you relate to other people.
The therapists at Hitchin Counselling & Psychology are professionally trained and experienced in working with a wide range of relationship concerns. Therapy is not about telling you how a relationship should be, but helping you develop greater understanding and consider the changes that may be helpful for you.
Relationship difficulties can include:
- Loneliness and isolation
- Social anxiety
- Affairs and betrayals
- Separation and divorce
- Anger and conflict
- Problems with trust
- Difficulty establishing intimacy
- Commitment difficulties
- Anxiety about separation
- Family difficulties
- Sexual and sexuality concerns
- Bereavement and loss
- Workplace relationships
- Life-stage pressures
- The impact of trauma on relationships